I've MIA since January. Since that time I've worked on a 168Film Project short with Act One colleagues, produced and filmed my own short with my co-writer Terry Nolan (soon to be submitted to film festivals), have spent two glorious weeks in New Zealand and taken an acting class (which will be done in two weeks). That doesn't count the countless hours spent writing, developing, networking and trying to maintain life. I feel as though I've been on a long journey. . .

And so I have but God is still on the throne and He's not through with me yet. A few weeks ago I was reading Oswald Chambers and I realized that my own sinfulness still prevents me from fulfilling God's will and purpose in my life. When He says we are to lay down our lives, go the extra mile, turn the other cheek, I know in my spirit that it's because of Christ's humility and sacrifice that I am able to do these things. But something happens when I'm "walked on" by very ones I'm trying to serve and all manner of unholy emotions and self-righteous pride well up in me. I find ways to excuse my behavior by telling myself that there's a difference between being a servant and a door mat. And there is . . . it's just that God should be the one to distinguish the difference, not me. I'm to trust and obey . . . He's to lead. If I am truly trusting in His guidance, His discernment and His wisdom, I'll never be a door mat, never be a fool, never be anything but the servant of the Most High. So I can "suffer" humiliation and scorn at the hand of others but it will be heaped on Christ's shoulders, not mine. If I try to do His will in my strength, I'll break down and wrath will be my contribution. Hardly spiritual, eh.

While on the flight back from New Zealand I saw the movie, "Yes Man" starring Jim Carrey. A rather silly comedy but in the core of it's meaning lay an important concept that hit me as something we don't consider enough. The story is about a man, negative, sullen and a loner, who says no to everything. One night he forgets his best friends engagement party and when he realizes how much he hurt his friend by doing so, agrees to go to this "YES" seminar with another old friend. The gist of the "Yes" concept is to say yes to everything no matter what it is. It's a covenant made with oneself to enjoy life, take risks, chances and basically throw yourself to the mercy of fate. Now that would be dangerous if it were just that. But turn it around and think of saying YES to EVERYTHING the Lord says for us to do. Without hesitation, without regret nor fear nor second thoughts. What if we said yes to Him every time without a fight, without Him having to coax us and corner us and basically coerce us into acting upon His commands and requests? What if we just said YES! and then actually did it? What kind of life would we have? I think we'd find out quickly how much of our old nature is still operative and how much resistance we still have to obedience, simple trust and faith. Be quick to obey the Lord, with no hesitation . . . once you KNOW it's Him!

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19,20

Last Saturday (Jan 24th) I attended a one day retreat and the scripture for the day was Psalm 37. It is by far one of my favorite Psalms and one I return to again and again when times of trouble hit. On this occasion there were no "times of trouble" that I knew of, only general trouble that we all experience being in this world. In my quiet time at the retreat I felt that I should continue reading this Psalm daily for the rest of the week and so I have done. And as in true God fashion, He continues to reveal my true character to me as I obey Him.

I wrote down the verbs in the first 8 verses in the order in which they appear.
FRET-ENVY-TRUST-DO GOOD-DWELL-FEED-DELIGHT-COMMIT-TRUST-REST-WAIT-FRET-CEASE-FORSAKE-FRET

As I meditated on these first 8 verses I saw a pattern . . . a very familiar pattern which is common to all believers after they first accept Christ. And I must confess this pattern repeats itself over and over as I face new challenges and trials.

FRET (worry) and ENVY cause a block in our lives; one that cuts us off from TRUST and DOING GOOD. We become obsessed with ourselves, our circumstances, our future, and in many cases our mistakes in the past. Eventually God shows us this and we experience a breakthrough. We honestly TRUST him which leads to DOING GOOD. This opens our eyes to the fact that we must DWELL in His promises, FEED on His faithfulness and DELIGHT solely in Him. But there's more. We then need to COMMIT our way to Him and abandon our own agenda. If we do that we enter into the second level of TRUST which allows us to REST and WAIT. And then the attacks begin all over again and we might return to FRET which generates anger. Now we must CEASE and FORSAKE that anger and FRET not. And the whole thing starts all over again.

Notice that the two verbs that cause the problems are FRET and ENVY. Notice what James has to say about this.

What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. James 4: 1-3

Worry and Envy are two very very dangerous enemies. So much so that they are pointed out over and over again. The other sins slip in when these two have been allowed in our lives. Praying for God to point out these two sins before they take root would keep us from running around in a circle with one foot nailed to the floor. And FRET (worry) is the worst I fear. It shipwrecks any attempt at faith.

With the current economic crisis and a gloomy future, we would do well to memorize Psalm 37:1-8. God has given it for us as a promise.

DO NOT NOT FRET--IT ONLY CAUSES HARM
Psalm 37:8b

I've been thinking about this word, faith . . . again. I'm troubled by the revelation that my own faith is founded less on God and more on me. I wrote this poem a few years back and I think it might relate what constitutes my basis for faith.

Never future; always past
Looking back; holding fast
Images printed on the brain
Some bring pleasure; others, pain

Twist, mold, shape and scar
Memories make us what we are
Now—a temporal, fleeting flash
Tomorrow—just beyond our grasp

Eyes unseeing, knowledge veiled
The future met in blind travail
The memory life line held in tow
Guides us where we cannot know

Thrust into the flow of time
A helpless, mapless, sightless mime
Memory, blessed and cursed
God’s reminder in reverse

When I think of faith as God intended it to be, I think of driving my car down a California freeway at 80 mph--blindfolded! A helpless, mapless, sightless mime who without God will surely crash and burn. Sadly, I trust my own instincts, feelings and memories and like a fool end up wrecked anyway.

Memories are based on two things . . . facts and feelings. However, the facts are often skewed by my feelings. I remember what I feel and often forget the facts. Memories, though useful to track God's faithfulness, can trick us into believing lies. I remember what God did the last time I trusted Him and it may feel like He abandoned me. My memory only reinforces that and I'm less inclined to trust Him in the same way again.

Faith on the other hand comes from completely outside of me and is based on something completely outside of me. "When the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, that is the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify about Me."John 15:26 It is foreign, often devoid of rationality, based on untried truth not skewed fact and stirs up great feelings of fear. For me, it's the fear that keeps me from walking in faith. Fear is familiar, it's looking out for me and it knows how I feel. Again, I'm foolishly trusting a feeling.

Truth is not facts. Truth is not feelings. Truth is not memories. All may hold seeds of Truth but to place our faith on anything less that the Truth is walk in darkness and fear. Truth exists whether I believe it or not. Truth is forever and will always remain steadfast, whether I trust it or not. Truth is what God says and is the only basis for faith.

" . . .if you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." John 8:31-32

I wrote this poem probably 10 years ago, back before the American church became so inward and "user friendly." Since that time, not much has changed except we've migrated even farther from our common goal to share the gospel of Jesus with those working and living next to us. We've caved in . . . become sheep in wolves clothing so to speak so we might attract the wolves into our churches and perhaps convert them. Instead of bringing more souls to Christ we've succeeded in weakening our own people by taking transforming our worship centers into immigration centers where the gospel is merely a watered down version of bring us your sick, your poor, etc. We haven't converted as many non-Christians as we have mis-taught our Christians. In an attempt to become attractive and compete in the market place, we've developed Christian "branding" where we use labels and philosophies to explain who we are instead of letting God define who we are. With all of our Christian communalization and separatism, we've become consumers who partake of only Christian products and services. We've become "Us" trying to reach "Them."

In an attempt to change this error, many Christians in their confusion and lack of training have resorted to becoming become Christian lawnmowers, trying to mow down the sins of the Lord instead of understand that it's the root that needs to be eradicated. Jesus died for the sin of the world (Adam's sin) and in the process took care of the fruit or sins. WE must get back to sound theology . . . back to the root of the Gospel . . . back to Calvary. And in light of all the political upheaval and dissatisfaction God is giving us an opportunity to do just that. I think His message is clear,"You have cared more for your Christian "rights" than for sharing my Message. I will take away your rights so you have nothing left to share BUT My message."

EYES OF AMERICA


“America, America, God shed His grace on thee . . .”
but when I look into her eyes, this is what I see

the watery blue of an old woman’s eyes
in their depths no hope lies
she sits in silence all alone
waiting for lunch in the nursing home

the liquid brown of a small child’s
questioning eyes, scared and wild
his mother turns tricks to make ends meet
his father? Somewhere on the streets

the haunted gray of a young girl’s
eyes hardened by a heartless world
that allowed her father the undue right
to sneak into her room night after night

the hollow eyes of a derelict bum
with wizened face and toothless gum
too numbed with wine and cold to feel
scavenging trash cans for a meal

the glazed eyes of a tiny babe
cold and stiff in an alley grave
behind the clinic; ripped from the womb
sent to heaven far too soon

black flashing eyes of an angry young man
taught by his gang to understand
hopes are for fools and dreams can be bought
in packets from the pusher down the block

the complacent eyes of the well bred
Gazing past the underfed
Pursuing a more important scheme
Called the great American dream

but the eyes of Heaven’s Lamb
looking down from God’s right hand
eyes of love that gaze upon
the babe, the bum, the old, the young

if we look into his eyes
maybe then we'll realize
a human soul's more precious than
the dreams and schemes of common man

"America, America God shed His grace on thee . . ."
but when I look into her eyes, His grace I do not see

I’ve been reading the book of Exodus in my daily devotions but this morning I felt like reading from the Psalms. I opened to the first Psalm and the familiar words had a deepened meaning for me today which I’d like to share.

The first Psalm is the pre-incarnation gospel in a nutshell. For the Hebrew people, it simply stated that if you focus on God and walk according to His ways, you shall be blessed and saved from a life of fruitless wickedness. But this morning it held a deeper meaning for me.

When my late husband and I were deep into our ministry, God put several things on our hearts to do which never came to fruition during his lifetime. After he went home, I asked the Lord if he wanted me to close HALO Ministries Int’l and He plainly said “No.” So I waited. A few months later I felt compelled to move the 501 (c) (3) corporation from Arizona to California, which I did. And there it has lain dormant . . . until recently. One by one God began reminding—no compelling me to turn again to those things He’s spoken of which never came to pass. He’s brought scriptures He gave me over 20 years ago back to memory, dreams (actual) and “visions” He had given me, ministries He wanted started but hadn’t. Like a rush, they’ve come back and I’m humbled, scared, awed, excited . . . as I look at them one by one with prayer and counsel. I ask the Lord, “Why now? How can I do these things?”

Psalm 1 reads:

How blesses is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
But his delight is in the law of the Lord and in His law he meditates day and night.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water which yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not whither and in whatever he does he prospers. Psalm 1:1-3

This is the true gospel of prosperity. This is the way God has always meant to prosper His children. For the children of Israel, He gave them material blessings as a result of obedience. For the Christian, He gives spiritual fruitfulness as a result which may be accompanied by material blessings. The main point is that God first wants the heart, soul, and total attention of the person. He wants His child to be totally absorbed with Him. Then He will prosper the works of his or her hand. Jesus said, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and ALL THESE THINGS shall be added.”

There is a gospel of prosperity but not what is preached today. What is preached from a multitude of pulpits today is the Cotton Candy of Christian Capitalism spun from a few words of scripture into a pile of sugar sweet air. Jude has much to say about them. That is not true prosperity but a watered down version of presumptuous lust for money.

The true gospel of prosperity is God blessed, spirit generated, always fruitful in the things of the spirit and may be accompanied by material goods. The latter is often not a desire of the Christian, in fact, most often there is almost a complete apathy about material wealth because he or she knows that our God, who owns the cattle on a thousand hills can more than adequately care for one of his children. No true prosperity begins and ends in the Lord, His will and His works. He gets the glory and we get Him.

But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Col. 3:14-15

Lately I've been thinking about thankfulness. I'm not talking about praise here. We all praise the Lord for what He does and who He is. We know that praise is a huge part of our relational response to God. Is it possible to praise God without being thankful?

The praise song "Give thanks with a grateful heart . . ." rattles around and around in my head. Do I really have a grateful heart? I'd like to think so but I wonder.

I can always find something to whine about. When God delivered the Israelites from the hand of Pharaoh they were good for a few miles and then the whining began. First it was the Red Sea, then water, food, meat, and on and on. For the most part they did not have grateful hearts. Nor were they very thankful. Never mind that they weren't slaves anymore or that God had sent them out of Egypt with more wealth than Bill Gates. Or that He'd promised them a whole LAND of their own. Instead of focusing on what they had, they focused on what the didn't have.

Last month my sister and I moved from a one bedroom apartment on the second floor of our building to a two bedroom on the first floor. It seemed like a simple move, just transferring everything from one floor to the other. NOT! It was a backbreaking five day, bit-by-bit move with two dollies in a small elevator and then down four steps into our apartment. By the fourth day I'd been reduced to a tired, sweaty, exhausted grumbler. As I pulled my umpteenth load load out of the elevator, the wheel caught and the whole mess dumped into the hallway. A millisecond from exploding I shook my head and started laughing. I felt like an Israelite leaving Egypt. I looked around and decided to thank God instead of fuming. I thanked Him for the elevater so I didn't have to carry everything down the stairs; for the dolly, for the strength to pull the dolly . . . Get my drift. What a difference thankfulness can make.

I can either look at what I think I need or what I have. I can thank God or grumble. I can be grateful for even the shampoo to wash my hair, the running water from my tap, my shower . . . These things we take for granted and actually expect! All of life is a gift. If we got ONLY what we needed, my goodness, we'd certainly have a lot fewer possessions to worry about.

So today, I choose to thank God for this computer, for the apartment I live in, for clothing, for water, for the nice mattress I slept on, for my car to drive myself to church, for the funds for the gas and for the air I breathe. A grateful heart changes us in ways we can't imagine. Instead of grumbling I want to live with a grateful heart, giving thanks for all that I have; both materially and spiritually. Hmmm, maybe if we all did this we'd start a revolution.

Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name. Hebrews 13:15